As you can imagine this is quite a personal thing to write about so i'm a little worried that it may give you the wrong impression of me, If you were to meet me you would not know that I have these problems going on, I am normal :). Whatever normal is....
The other day I was watching a you tube video by Zoella, talking about anxiety and I couldn't believe all the comments and the response, it made me realise that actually there are probably quite a few people with there own problems but like me keep it to themselves (apart from in this blog obviously haha).
With me the problem is I have a Phobia of being sick, I am not going to go into too much detail but basically it makes me hugely fussy with food, I sometimes get worried about going out in busy places such as clubs ect, public transport, I dont drink alcohol ect and a fair few other things. It may sound really stupid to some people, and trust me I think its silly too, but you sometimes cant help what goes on in your mind.
I have lived with it since I was about 10 I think, but its been the worst the last few years. Last year I got so down about it and kind of depressed i suppose, that my family said I needed to get this sorted, and i agreed! So I went to the doctors and she referred me to see an NHS Psychologist, where I had 4 sessions of CBT, however I was discharged really quickly and it didn't help me much. So time went on and i though it was just something i would have to live with and 'get over'. However I have now started seeing a lady about it and its really helping, she really understands everything and delves right in to find out things about me that i never even thought about! She has given me ways of coping when i have a panic attack or when i start to worry unnecessarily.
I have now realised that avoiding all situations that are potentially going to make me face my fear
are not going to help in the long run, although it is really hard to put this into practice. For example I very rarely fully enjoy myself when going out for an evening, especially in winter because there are lots of bugs that go round and all i feel i need to be aware of this, so it kind of distracts me and stops me having a really nice time. Also where there are drunk people there may be sick :( which is always at the back of my mind. I am making myself sound like a right weirdo but this is all in my head, i do not show it, to everyone else i appear fine, just maybe a bit quiet if i'm really worried about something.
So recently I am trying to just do things that I wouldn't normally feel comfortable doing, and it does help because once you have done it you feel really good, much happier than hearing all your friends talking about it and secretly wishing you had gone.
My advice to anyone that suffers with this problem or anything similar would be to write it down, keep a notepad and pen with you at all times, and whenever you feel worried write all your thoughts down. This will then help you to get the thoughts out of your mind. Another thing that helps me is if im really panicking, is to suck a sweet for some reason it helps and gives you a nice taste in your mouth, so i always keep some in my bag just in case. And finally reading is really good, especially before bed, as its taking your mind somewhere else :).
If you are reading this as a sufferer then please remember it will get better, you just need to find the right method of help for you, even just someone you can talk to can really help you to feel better, but if you just try to do things you would normally avoid its a start!
I hope you don't think i'm completely crazy, and this is the last miserable blog post i promise :) and on a brighter note, its valentines day in two days. ♥♥♥
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